November 14-15, 2022
Do you realize that you do not have to be right all the time? When you are wrong do you say that you were wrong? Just curious here because people do not like to admit when they are wrong.
God said that the man is the head of the home, and a wife should submit to her husband, but does that mean “all the time and under all circumstances”? NO!
First, let’s begin…why did you marry whom you married? Love, lust, what, and why? Did you promise to love them forever…until death do you part? Are you both Christians and love the Lord? Did you think if you married a non-Christian and you were one you could just wave a magic wand and they would accept Jesus? How did your spouse treat their parent, siblings, friends, co-workers, and others? How someone treats others (before you tie the knot) says a lot about who they are and how they will treat you as well. Maybe not everything because there are a lot of weirdos out there who after they say I do change into a monster. Just look at all the crime shows…they say I will always love you, but what a lot of them mean is I will love you until. Until what? Until I kill you? Until I find someone who is younger, prettier, handsome, and so on. I saw one crime show a while back and the groom killed the wife on the day of their marriage. Why? And what about abusive spouses? Do you think God is okay with someone abusing His kids? No! So, before you get angry here and try to tell me that under all circumstances God says submit…I declare that a lie. You submit out of love, respect, and honor…not out of abuse!
You do realize, don’t you…that no one agrees all the time. This happens a lot when the spouses are not equally yoked as in one not being a Christian while one is. They don’t see eye to eye on how they should act, or what they should or should not do. (1 Peter 3:1-6) So think about this…you are a Christian and get married to a non-believer and your spouse tells you that you can no longer believe in Jesus, go to church, have Christian friends, etc….do you give up Jesus and not go to church? Do you really in your heart believe that is what God wants? Read your Bible again!
We love our spouse that is why we choose to say I do. We should respect them going both ways here. But know this first. I chose Jesus first and over even my spouse. He holds my destiny in His hands and He loved and loves me and never forsakes me. I swore allegiance to Jesus and no one is going to take that from me…not anyone! I can love my spouse better and more when I put Jesus first in my life. If your spouse does not believe in Jesus then he is not serving the same god! We can’t always (but sometimes it happens) get a non-believer to come around to accepting Jesus as their Lord.
I have heard some say that because you are married then you should always agree with your partner. Not going to happen. If you have a brain, you know that is not true. Even if you both are Christians, let’s say, doesn’t mean you see eye to eye on everything to do with your religion. You might see something different than what your spouse does and vice-versa.
Submission does not mean you leave your brain at the altar. What if your spouse says that they are the boss of the family and you will do whatever they say? Well, for one they don’t know God or they would never utter that statement…ever! I serve God first and submit to my spouse if they are living right before God. If they are evil and doing wrong things I will not submit. Let’s say it turns out they are a criminal doing horrific things. You find out….would you honor them by submitting to their whims? I hope not, but that is between you, God, and your spouse. What if they were a serial killer, a rapist, a thief…would you want to submit to them? Don’t leave your brain at the altar.
Some spouses demand this or that…and expect their spouse to just do it. That is not a marriage, that is not submission, and it is not love. These spouses do not know the Bible, do not know God and take things out of context so they can rule. They are not leaders but evil bullies.
A good man will listen to his spouse, honor her, and always consider what she says. But then (if they are a Christian) they will seek God on a subject that needs attention and do what is right. The man should be a Christian and do things God’s way. We honor those we respect. You see, also since God says the husband is the one who makes the final decision on certain things…know this…God has an order in how and who does what. Leadership in a marriage doesn’t even mean always getting the last word. Good leadership often says, “You were right; I was wrong.” Things are best made when both parties discuss both sides of something. Leadership in a marriage means you truly care and listen to your spouse….you do not dictate or demand.
Stop living in fear of your spouse. What if something can’t be decided what then? If you have discussed it, and prayed about it…then let the Christian husband decide for wrong decisions he answers to God about. But I think that doesn’t happen so much…for when two can’t decide…give it more time and keep praying and discussing the situation. Ask God to help you make the right decision on whatever the issue is. Just remember that your spouse will answer to God who does have an order to things, but doesn’t fear your spouse. That is not right and it is not healthy.
We can all influence our spouses, especially when we wait for the right time and place to talk about something. We also never put our spouse down for anything in front of our kids or other family members. This goes both ways. We tell them our side, why or why not something, and all the details as to why or why not. Sometimes they don’t have all the facts so they don’t see something as we/you do. Now think about this: What if your husband or your wife is living in sin wouldn’t you want them to stop living like that? Wouldn’t you try to get them to change their ways?
Also, God’s will must come first even over the will of your spouse. Jesus is our Lord and Savior and must be overall. If what your spouse wants you to do is against what God would want then you do not have to submit to that. Our spouse is very important but when it comes down to do you do God’s will for it is right, or your spouse when it is wrong…choose to do right in God’s sight. Example: What if your spouse wants you to do something God says is wrong like group sex outside of marriage? What about if they want you to go along with them and commit a crime? What is right in God’s eyes? That is the decision that you need to make.
Another thing is your spouse is not God! Even if he believes in the Lord he is not now, nor ever will be God. You listen to him sure, but you get your strength in the Lord Jesus. Your hope is Jesus and both of your strengths need to come from Him. Also, don’t look to the world for strength for the world is full of garbage, lies, deceptions, fraud, fake news, and so on. It is so easy to turn the news on and believe the lies you are fed, but if you truly want the truth…open your Bible, and pray till you get answers.
Take this in Marriage is equal but different roles. We are to complement each other not lord over the other one like we are better. Marriage is a beautiful thing when done right. We serve each other in different ways for that is how God made us. We do what we can to help one another but we must always know God is first.
God wrote a book called the Bible and it is intended to be a guidebook for how to live our lives. God is love and his Word is filled with advice on how to best love the people he has placed in our lives. (Yes, I know some people are just hard to get along with but we still try don’t we?)
Submission in a marriage is relational….we do what we can to help and please one another. No one is better than another, you just have different roles. Marriage is work. We come from different people, have had different lives, and come together to become one in God. That is not always an easy task no matter how long prior you knew your spouse. We all think we know everything about someone…but only God does. We have different dreams, different thoughts, and different ways of doing something, and we all see our limits even if God sees they are bigger than we do.
Marriage is communicating even in hard times. Even if we know our spouse won’t like what we say. We choose a good time to discuss something and tell them whatever “it” is in love. We share our hearts. That doesn’t always mean that they get it, but we try.
Ephesians 5:21-33 says, “Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
Do you realize that if you both truly love one another then they love their wife, and the wife respects her husband? If that is going on it sure is a lot easier to submit. Our job is to serve one another. We don’t get much respect or love when we go around in pride and demand this or that. We don’t get it if we live a selfish life either, and we don’t get it if we don’t put God first for we all have fallen, we all have sinned, and we all mess up. We submit to God first and then to each other.
We need to learn to submit out of love for our spouse. It is most difficult when the spouse is abusive or a bully. Galatians 5:13 says, “For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love.”
All of us need to work harder on being humble. We all need to work on we are not the only person with needs in a marriage. We are in this together. Your needs or their needs are both important (if they are within God’s will). In a marriage we are to lay down our own needs and see if we can help our spouse in some way with their needs. You can’t serve someone unless you know what they want, if it is right with God if you have listened to them, and you can in some way help. It’s difficult to know how to successfully serve your spouse without being willing to listen to your spouse when they communicate their needs, desires, frustrations, and more!
Both the husband and the wife want to be loved and respected. They want to know what they feel is important to the other one. There was, and maybe still is, a book about the different ways people want to feel loved and give love. We all want love but how we want it can be different. Some desire affection, while others like acts that show love. Some need more time together, while others might like some quiet time along. That doesn’t mean they don’t love you. It’s just we are all different. I have found over the years that I like my time with God and for me very early in the morning. I don’t like interruptions at that time, but my spouse likes his time at night. It works great. Yours might be different and that is okay. You won’t know though if you don’t take the time to know what each likes. When you know what each other likes or doesn’t like the time you spend together can be great.
Cultures are different in this world. They don’t see things the same way. That was a great wall once between us. Well, maybe a short wall. We sure were not raised the same and didn’t understand why people did what they did. Culture can make or destroy a marriage. When two cultures come together that are so different…you need to discuss these things, and you and your partner need to understand one thing….the moment you became one in marriage…you are one! We still honor our parents etc., but our spouse must come first. We must stand up for them and them no matter what our family thinks.
What about going places? Does one you plan while the other is a spur of the moment? This can be a problem. That is one compromise people do need to work on. Do you like surprises? Some do, while others hate surprises.
Most of all….always remember that there are three in your one marriage. You become one with your spouse, but one in three with God for God is in your marriage. He wants the absolute best for you and your marriage. If you keep Him forefront in it…your marriage will be truly blessed no matter what goes on around, you. God is the third and the most important part of our marriages. If our hearts and homes are not ultimately submitted to God and his leading, then we will find ourselves battling to live out this concept. God always wants your marriage to work….to be blessed….and to be treasured.
Okay…those difficult times within marriage and if you are totally honest here you know you have had some. We don’t always agree!!! Bring God into your home and pray a lot. Be thankful for what you have no matter how big or little that might be right now. Go through the good times and bad times together. Give each other your strengths because in this world we need each other. Also, know that God can take a bad situation between you and your spouse and turn their heart around so you can fix things. God is on the side of His kids for which you are if you are a Christian and He is your Lord.
So may God bless you, keep you, provide for your needs, bless your marriage, work in your marriage, heal your body and your relationship, and give you His peace. God bless you.