Post 97…Kinds of Love
Love is an amazing word, isn’t it? We all want to be loved by someone, don’t we? In English, the word “love” is used to describe all sorts of scenarios and feelings. We just seem to say, “I love you, I love pizza, I love my friends, I love whatever and to many, it somehow seems to mean the same thing. But love is so different in meaning. The Bible talks a lot about 4 types of love, but there are at least 7.
Eros – Romantic, Passionate Love. It can be sexual attraction, lust, and just about everything in this department we can conjure up in our minds. If we study this word we will also find out that this type of love was named after the Greek god of love and fertility. (Fertility/babies) This type of love is wonderful, but it can also be dangerous when you lose control of your actions or think you can force yourself on anyone else. Love is amazing with the right person when both are in agreement as to what your love is together (in marriage) People see, even this, type of love differently. Some like certain things, while others do not. Do you realize that Eros’s love should only be between a husband and wife, and you need to work on lasting love in this area? Outside of marriage, it has no real commitment between the one you are with, and God who declared marriage is where this kind of love should be. Love outside of marriage most times is but fleeting love and not a real commitment between you and your spouse and God. You can have Eros’s love for someone before you marry…but only intimacy, and not sex. You don’t need to try out “sex”. You need to have intimacy first. Eros love first needs to have a physical attraction, of course, but real Eros love will wait until you get married and it is done the way it was intended to be.
Philia – Affectionate, Friendly Love: Philia is a friendly love. Those soul-to-soul bonds. It embodies the love shared between friends and is described by loyalty and trust. Who doesn’t want this kind of love with friends? It is affectionate love, it is encouraging and not tearing down kind of love. Most people who do get to the Eros kind of love begin first by being friends. You want the best for your friends, and you don’t want to hurt them. It is a friendly love shared by people who care about each other and each will encourage one other.
Storge – Unconditional, Familial Love: Storge refers to the unconditional love that parents have for their children. Oh, how we love our children don’t we? It is a protective, kinship-based love that represents approval, sacrifice, and acceptance. I know with my children I would do whatever it takes to protect them…as best I can, but we can’t protect them against everything they will face in life. This kind of love, at times, sure can seem like one-sided love. We love and choose to love our kids, protect them, and just because we feel this way…doesn’t mean they want this kind of love, or reciprocate it back to us. Maybe one day, but life in these times is difficult at best and as much as we want what is best for them…they think differently than we do. What about your siblings even…they were not always the best at anything growing up. Most don’t see eye to eye on anything and what they think is so important in life…maybe you don’t think that at all.
Agape – Selfless Love: Agape is one-of-a-kind love. It is a compassionate, selfless love for others that includes a love for God, nature, strangers, and the less fortunate. This kind of love is very difficult for a lot of people to have and to give. Oh, they want it for themselves, but they don’t want to give this kind of love to others. This kind of love is not based on just love for those you care about, but about the good of others. It is a love that is not selfish. It is a sacrificial love like Jesus had for us when He went to the cross. We can all have some of this kind of love for our fellow man on this earth even when we see the mess that the world is in today.
Ludus – Playful, Flirtatious Love: I thought this would explain it better than I was going to explain it. I found this in a Psychology Today blog.
Ludus Love is playful or uncommitted love, based on deep, personal, intimate friendship, rather than sexual attraction. Ludus Love is primarily shown by opposite gender, unrelated couples, but can also be found between a brother and sister who are blood-related siblings. It can involve activities such as spending time together, teasing and dancing, or more overt flirting, seducing, and conjugating, or pairing off with one another for various activities, such as sports or intellectual activities. The focus is on fun, and sometimes also on oneupmanship and playful competition, with no strings attached or hard-core commitments. Ludus Love relationships are casual, undemanding, and uncomplicated but, for all that, can be very intimate and long-lasting. Ludus Love works best when both parties are mature and self-sufficient. Problems arise when one party mistakes Ludus Love for Eros Love, although Ludus Love can morph into Eros Love over time, thereby losing its unique status of enjoyment and fun. ‘Ludus Love is much more compatible with Philia Love, with the happiest couples able to combine both loves into a steady, enjoyable, fulfilling relationship that can last many years. (not from there, but added here is that maybe, even what some might consider a fling) Ludus is all about having fun, so think of whatever that means for you. Casual side friendship.
Pragma – Committed, Long-Lasting Love: Pragma is love that is founded on commitment, understanding, and long-term best interests, similar to how a family is established. As a couple develops to appreciate, respect, and cherish each other, tolerating differences and learning to compromise, eros can transform into pragma. It is enduring love based on romantic sentiments and camaraderie. The opposite is also true: pragma can turn into eros if there is passion and excitement between a husband and wife. (Definitions not mine) I love Pragma. In the simplest of terms, it is love that looks long-term. Pragma is a love that is seen in many long-term marriages and friendships. It is built on commitment, endurance, companionship, and sharing similar hopes for the future, which includes things like building a family and putting down roots. A lot of people (married folks, especially) will understand Pragma as “making it work.” This type of love is an accepting, everlasting love that matures as a couple spends year after year together. When I think of pragma, I think of the older married couple who have been together since they were teenagers. I mean seriously, who doesn’t want that someday? Pragma is beautiful as it represents the constant nurturing that goes into a long-term relationship. It is patient, sacrificial, mature, and in all honesty, quite rare (and therefore so special).
Philautia – Self Love: Philautia is the ancient Greek word for self-love. It is so important because, without it, there would be nobody to love. If you do not love yourself, how can you expect someone else to love you? It is something that we should all strive for. Self-love is not selfishness or narcissism, but a healthy way of caring for yourself so that you can better care for others. It is an important part of leading a happy and fulfilling life. There is a big difference between self-love and narcissism. Narcissists are people who feel superior to and entitled to the things that other people have. Self-love is not about feeling superior to others; it is about feeling whole and content with oneself. It is also not selfishness: you cannot take care of others if you don’t take good care of yourself first. Healthy demonstrations of Philautia go hand in hand with self-worth, confidence, and the boost of self-esteem that is necessary for a sense of one’s purpose. It’s important to balance the love of self with the love of others.
I am sure that if you study love you will find even more. All of this was not from me and my definitions, but ones that others wrote that I thought stated things better than I would have. We all want to feel loved and needed in this world. When we just say, “I love…..” it doesn’t say it all. Funny, with all the words in the English dictionary…we miss so much when it comes to saying what and whom we love…and how we love them. People are misunderstood so many times because they take what we say out of context. I hope this helps your understanding…but I do encourage you to study it further. Have a blessed weekend everyone.