We sure don’t like conflict in our life, but sometimes it is there and when it is we must learn how to deal with it.
Before I begin here let me say this: God wants your mind to have peace but satan wants it in turmoil. He sometimes even makes you think that there are battles there even when there is none. He will get in your mind and our mind and our circumstances as much as we allow him. If we don’t deal with the issues at hand they can overtake us and even defeat us. God and satan can’t live in our minds at the same time. There is the only place for one of them to be there. One loves us and wants the best for us, while the other wants to cause turmoil and hate. We have a choice of what we will believe in and think about. We have a choice as to whether will we deal with the matter or let it make us miserable. If we let/allow satan to win these battles we lose ground with God. We need to take back control of our lives, whom we follow, how we act, and how we deal with the issues at hand.
As I said conflict in our life can cause havoc, but there is also healthy conflict. We still need to deal with that as well. Sometimes we don’t even know that the conflict is brewing and when it comes…stop right then and learn to deal with it. Don’t let conflict go on because if it is not dealt with it keeps growing and can cause way more problems for you down the road. Dealing with conflicts as soon as you realize there is one can clear up any misunderstandings that have arisen, and helps not only you but the person/s you might be having a conflict with. Sometimes we just don’t have all the information or why something is happening. However, we can’t lose sight of what God says is right to do. For God trumps all.
When we deal with conflict it can help us all deal with negative feelings and we can come out of the conflict in a positive way. Even if you go through life hoping you will never face conflicts in your life doesn’t mean you won’t have them. Then there are some who somehow get pleasure going around causing problems and conflicts. We have all pretty much-known people who, for whatever reason, enjoy hurting others and causing them trauma and pain. That, of course, needs to be dealt with!!!
Another thing I want to mention is that there can be times when we try to deal with conflict and the other person/s are not willing. There are also, at times, circumstances that might have happened even as a child that you wish would be dealt with, but doing so can hurt people you love. Those are times you must weigh what is most important, who might get hurt, and if you are willing to go there. Also…I would say pray, pray more, and pray even more about the situation before you do something that could hurt others you care about. That doesn’t give the person free anything for everyone will stand before God at some point and it will get dealt with.
Often, we’re unprepared to deal with conflict because our parents weren’t good role models or didn’t teach us healthy conflict-resolution skills. In this day and age, it seems rare to find people who can sit down and discuss anything for everything one says or does someone is offended by it. Parents are made out to be the bad guys, while the nuts of this world are made out to be the sane ones. How very sad a time we are living in.
I know, personally, that there were things in my life growing up and even later in life that I felt I had to suppress my feelings, and compromise certain things to keep people safe, or not cause even more conflict. Maybe it was the right decision or maybe it wasn’t. Life doesn’t always plop the answer in front of us….sometimes we have to consider all the facts and pray a lot before going there.
Sometimes even our family deserts us and doesn’t want us in their life and we feel we tired everything to make something better and all it did was get worse. At these times we need to give it to God and just trust Him to help if that is His will, or let it go if it is not His will to just keep trying to fix it.. We can deeply love people and just can’t get along. (Prodigals)
But then there are the times our conflict just reaches the point of no return and must be dealt with. Sometimes we just say yes to things when our brain is shouting NO. When we don’t deal with things that can be dealt with we are really succumbing to the world’s ways and allowing garbage to go on in our life. That conflict not dealt with can cause great stress in our life.
When we don’t have healthy experiences in dealing with conflict and saying no, we can pass this onto those around us including our family. Sometimes we just go along with things we know we shouldn’t go along with just to keep peace but in our soul…it is being overrun by feeling we should not go on dealing with in that way.
Growing up…we have a lot of feelings that are good and bad even when nothing is wrong and there is nothing to deal with. However, when a child learns that she or he can disagree with people and not lose their love or friendship, a child’s fears of abandonment dissolve, and they can learn to stand up against peer pressure, and they learn they can go to their parents or to another trusted adult and share their feelings.
However, many times, as parents…our inclination is to silence a child who disagrees or argues, but that’s a mistake. Words, even those that are hard to hear, are one of the best tools to help us understand and appropriately respond. Kids are people too and kids have feelings. They might be totally off 100%, but we can love them enough to stop and listen to them and why they feel a certain way so that we can help them with the conflict that they are feeling as well. Many kids in this day and age have been abused in different ways, and many are traumatized by divorce, the loss of a loved one and many things they go through at school and are taught about that are just plain wrong. (hate, racism, mean, and evil people, bullying, feeling they don’t matter to name a few)
When we don’t deal with things that are causing our hearts to be conflicted we can become a time bomb waiting to go off and we just might not know when that will be. Sadly, in today’s culture, we see all ages from children to elderly adults unable to engage in debate and disagreements without verbally, and sometimes physically, attacking each other. This world is evil…pure evil and it is and will get worse as time goes on.
Even if the person you’re in conflict with is not a believer, if you stay calm and react biblically, you might find the other person responds appropriately.
It is time to pray (we are to pray all the time and about everything). Ask God to help you decide what to do, what to say, and even what not to do or say.
Okay, let’s get some info that might help here: You might have to take the initiative to resolve the conflict. The other person/s might not want to do it…nor do it. Even when, or if, you think the other person was wrong…don’t try to provoke anyone. Just tell them you want to discuss something and do it kindly. Don’t get all upset because we can’t control how or what others say, or how they act in any situation. Stay calm!!! Many times you can’t face someone face to face in this day and age, and sometimes you might have to do it in a phone call, a zoom type call, email, or even by text. But stay calm, talk nicely, and don’t go off on them. You accomplish nothing good when you do this wrong.
We all have differences in life. We don’t always agree on much of anything anymore. But………………let them know you just want to fix the situation even over all the disagreement. Maybe it won’t happen when you come to a good understanding, but you don’t know until you try. Just stay calm even in the midst of personal differences.
Listen…now listen more intently. Don’t try to talk until the other person has their say. Don’t jump in and start yakking. Let each take the time they need to discuss and explain how they feel, why they feel a certain way, what happened, and do they want to fix this situation.Sometimes we think we know something when we really did not know the truth of a situation, but sometimes we did and what happened hurts deeply. Can things be mended? Most times yes, but not always.
We don’t have to agree, but we can validate that they have a right to their own opinions even if they don’t agree with our opinion.
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. – James 1:19–20
Tell your story as best you can. Be honest and don’t go off point. You can be wrong as well. Sometimes we are and sometimes we are not wrong, but we can try to fix the situation. You may think you have won your case in court, until your opponent speaks. – Proverbs 18:17 CEV
If it is you that was wrong in your interpretation…admit it, apologize and forgive. You have no control over the other person and if they will do this…but you can! Don’t expect the person to say he or she is sorry or to ask for forgiveness. Forgive with no hidden agenda or expectations. This step will probably surprise the other person and deescalate any volatility in the discussion. Asking for forgiveness is disarming. There are always two sides to an argument, and you’re taking responsibility for your part. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. – Colossians 3:13
Now, may God bless you, keep you, draw you to Him, heal your body, give you wisdom and understanding, and give you peace. God bless you!