Information for parents and caregivers of boys who have been sexually abused
What is child sexual abuse? Child sexual abuse is a crime. It can range from showing children sexually explicit pictures through unwanted touching and sexual intercourse. In the vast majority of cases, the abuser will be someone the child knows and trusts. Some people believe that only girls are sexually abused. In reality, studies have shown that up to a third of child sexual abuse victims are male.
As a child who has been sexually abused, he may be feeling….
Guilt He/she only did it because I am bad
Fear He/she said bad things would happen if I told
Isolated I’m the only one here being abused
Powerless Why couldn’t I stop it from happening?
Responsible I made everybody cry?
Angry It’s just not fair or right
As a boy, he may be feeling…
Boys shouldn’t talk about their feelings
Boys should always be able to protect themselves so what is wrong with me
Boyts can’t be sad
Boys are never abused by females
Boys are abused go on to abuse others
Being abused a s a child will change the way they feel about women and
Sex in their life
What can I do for my child?
Stay as calm as possible
Tell them you are proud of them for telling you what is hurting them
Tell them you are sorry it happened to them
Reassure them that it was not their fault
Tell them you will seek help to stop the abuse
For both you and your child, these feeling are very normal reactions. If your child has been sexually abused, it does not mean you are a bad parent or that you child is a bad child.
After he has told you…
Don’t be angry that he didn’t tell you sooner
Let him know that he can talk to you if he wishes
Don’t assume he will ever tell you everything that happened
Respect his feelings but don’t be afraid of doing what you feel is right for him.
Sometimes you may feel like you need to walk on eggshells, but children often feel more secure when the normal, everyday limits still apply
You may wish to access sexual abuse counseling for your child
Further investigation can be conducted by contacting your local police and seeing what they think you should do. Also, if you are a Christian, then find a good Christian counselor who can give godly advice and not just worldly advice on the matter.
As a parent, you may have these concerns
Why didn’t he tell me sooner
Why is his behavior changing
Will the sexual abuse affect his adult life and sexuality
Will he go on to abuse others some day
Does having a child who has been abused make me a bad parent
What can I do for me?
Caring for a sexually abused child can be a difficult and isolating experience for both yourself and your child. You may want to:
Access general information on sexual abuse to back up your own feelings in the matter.
There are many agencies that deal with these things…you can talk to them as well, but make sure they are not just out to seek vengeance, but to fix you and your child in a godly way.
If you get your child to see a counselor or support group, see if you can also be part of it so you know what is happening, but know they don’t ever have to share what they talk about with you. Sometimes it is better you don’t hear all the details.
You join a support group for parents of abused kids
Spend time with supportive family members and friends. However, don’t go around trashing people and getting others to hate someone. Let God and the system deal with it. You stay focused on your child, and God and God will get you through the tough times.
Have confidence…have trust and faith in God…for sometimes things get worse before they get better, but given time and support…both you and your child can recover.
Best advice is to always trust and have faith in God that He will get you through this. Let God be God and you be the parent.