November 22, 2022
What is the wound of rejection? It can be that you feel you are never good enough for anyone or anything, especially when it comes to love. Well, first each of us who has ever felt we are not good enough needs to face some reality. People don’t always care about us, nor do these people give us what we need in life. It is okay to have feelings of rejection.
Rejection is one of the deepest emotional wounds we feel. It is no fun to feel like people reject you. That they don’t want to be around you, that you feel you are not good enough to be their friend, or even to be loved within a family.
We are human and we need to feel loved in life. However we can’t make anyone love us or want us around or in their life. No matter how much we care and try, there are people who just don’t want us around. Feelings can’t be forced, friendships shouldn’t feel forced, and love must never feel or be forced. Sometimes we need to understand some things are not to be no matter how much we want them to be.
Did something, when you were a child, happen to you? Did you need something from, let’s say, your parents or caregivers, and they didn’t respond the way you needed them to? They just didn’t connect with the hurt you were feeling and you felt rejection from them? This happens a lot. Sometimes they are not rejecting you, but to you, who needed them, it feels that way.
Maybe you never felt appreciated growing up or especially since growing up. Maybe your peers growing up just didn’t seem to care at all about you. Maybe you wanted to join something, or be a part of something, but you were always the last one chosen. You sure felt rejection in that one. Maybe some made you feel like you were not good enough to hang out with them, be their friend, or go places with them, or else maybe you always felt like you were the last choice.
When someone feels rejected, they go into this rejection mode. They can begin to live in denial, anger, and even bargaining, but they will feel depressed and many just give up and go inside themselves.
What about when you had a friend who rejected you and didn’t want to hang out with you? Those things hurt. What about being turned down on a date? What about not receiving an invitation that others you know all got? What about your loved one leaving you for another? What about planning a party, inviting everyone, fixing things to be perfect…and no one shows up? What about feeling used to get to someone else? There are so many ways that people reject and make others feel unloved and unneeded.
Rejection refers to feeling of loneliness, shame, sadness, and even grief. Don’t we all want to be loved, chosen, and cared about?
Okay, have you ever felt like a back-up friend? By that I mean did you feel like you only get to hang out with someone because their friend couldn’t and possibly they didn’t want to go somewhere alone? Did you feel like an afterthought? Would people go out of their way to be with you, or ignore you? What about even being in a crowd of people and feeling invisible?
If you don’t know the feeling, then great, I’m glad for you. It’s sure not a feeling that I would wish on anyone. However, for anyone who recognizes what this is like, I think we can agree that being surrounded by people and feeling completely alone is one of the worst feelings in the world. How many people get rejected by their parents, relatives, neighbors, teachers, other kids at school, co-workers and so on? But I do know that when rejection feelings begin as a child it is a horrible feeling and it makes you never feel good enough or worthy enough.
Couple examples of things people have shared with me: No names will ever be mentioned. One person worked extremely hard to get an education and when it was time to graduate…no one even said congrats to them. They did to everyone else along the way, but not to them. It definitely hurt this person. One planned a huge party for their co-workers and had it all planned out, all the food prepared, the music set and all the rest when no one showed up. It hurt this person. Another one who had worked diligently to become a particular person in a field was totally rejected as if they were not even there. Another who was going to Bible Studies with who they thought was their friend…was told they were not wanted there. Another was the only one not invited to their parents 50th wedding anniversary while all the other relatives were. Another after one parent died…eventually the other person married but this daughter was the only relative not invited to their parent’s marriage. One was completely ignored and told not to come to their own parents’ funeral, and all the parents things were divided but nothing at all was given to them. One was picked on at work because they had a mixed marriage. One was told that the very person they cared about never called or came by for them, but it was a lie and they never knew. One, was talked about behind their back by their own siblings and many lies told about them…and everyone rejected them. One said they never felt like part of their family growing up, and only felt like they lived in the home but were not part of the home. One was rejected by their own child and lies told about them while saying they never wanted them in their life. One says that they feel totally rejected by family in so many ways and maybe they will get a text, but even when they see someone they don’t feel like it was really you they came to see. There are so many stories like these in the life of those who feel rejected and don’t feel first in anyone’s life. I didn’t even get to any of the stories regarding abuse either growing up, or within a marriage.
I genuinely believe that at one point in everyone’s life they will experience a period where they feel lost or like they don’t belong. Even though you may not notice it in those that you are surrounded by, the fact is that most people are too wrapped up in their own lives to recognize when someone they know is feeling isolated or unwanted. It is highly likely that someone you know is experiencing the same feelings that you are. Another things is people keep things locked inside because to tell anyone they know they open the door to even more rejection.
Moreover, I want you to know that how other people treat you doesn’t define who you are. We are not someone’s door mat and you don’t have to go along with their opinion of you. People are only going to believe what they somehow want to believe. You could be the best person in the world and still have people who don’t think of you as their first choice or even like or consider you anything in their life.
Trust me, you are worth it, even if not everyone sees it. God says you are worth everything. How do I know this? Because Jesus came to this earth and died for you so that you can live for Him. He cares. He never rejects you and you can hang out with Him 24/7.
Some might reject you…it happens…but there are seven billion people in the world and there are people out there who would love to choose you.
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What is rejection Definition: Rejection involves being excluded from a social relationship or interaction. It can be active—for example in acts of bullying or teasing. Or it can be passive—for example in the acts of giving the silent treatment or ignoring someone (DeWall & Bushman, 2011). We might respond to rejection with feelings of hostility, dejection, withdrawal, and even jealousy (Downey & Feldman, 1996).
The opposite of rejection: The opposite of social rejection is social acceptance. Social acceptance occurs when others want to include us in their groups or be in a relationship with us (DeWall & Bushman, 2011). Social acceptance and rejection exist on a continuum with acceptance on one end and rejection on the other. So, we may feel relatively accepted by someone one minute and relatively rejected by them later. Or, we can feel somewhere in the middle.
Rejection is often intentional
The most painful thing about being rejected by your partner is that they might leave you without an explanation for dismissing you. At other times, the commitment and sacrifices you have made during the courtship intensify the pain of abandonment. Sometimes people reject those who were close to them for reasons even unknown to them…and it can hurt. Others can have secrets in their own life you know nothing about and they reject you to protect themselves.
However, being left out by your family and friends can bring on a very negative response. On the other hand, some people might react to the pain of rejection through aggression. If someone feels another has thwarted his self-esteem, they may decide to force their way in or lash out angrily. Unfortunately, that may result in more significant consequences. People who have been rejected in school and bullied…can lash out when they feel there is no other way. Rejection hurts because being loved, cared for, and appreciated are deeply-ingrained necessities of life.
We have established that rejection hurts no matter the circumstances or who did it. But it can take a significant toll on some people. So, why are the effects of rejection more significant on some people than others? We are all different and we all handle things differently. We don’t know what caused someone early on to feel so much pain of rejection and what seems like no one cared. It takes a toll on people and can cause people to become recluses and not let anyone in their life or heart again.
Yes……………….rejection hurts. Yes, it can devastate people. But, please listen. You can’t ever make people care about you, love you, want you in their life, or hang out with you. Would you really want to feel you ever forced someone to seem like they did care about you? You can’t change people. Change must be done by them. We all hate to feel someone rejected us, ignored our feelings, and just didn’t want us near, but we have the best friend in the world…Jesus. He won’t reject you. He won’t leave you. He won’t bully you. No matter where you are He is as close as a prayer. Pray! Ask God to help you with these feelings of rejection and loneliness because God can bring someone into your life who will love you for you and be a good person to have as a friend. Many people on this earth feel rejected and want a friend like you. You were worth Jesus coming to earth for to give you eternal life with Him. Trust Him that He can find someone that you can be in a “good” relationship with.
Now, may God bless you, keep you, protect you, give you His peace, but may He also take away your feelings of rejection and calm your soul. Don’t hate people because they are unkind…pray for them no matter how hard that seems at the moment, and forgive them. Most don’t even know or care they hurt you and forgiving them takes away their power over you.
God bless you!